They love you too - and that's all that matters.It’s like the kiss of death. Try to enjoy the experience of falling in love with your boo. In fact, what we learn from previous romances often helps us have better relationships later in life. We all have different experiences and pasts - it's just a part of life, and that's completely OK. Remember that their relationship didn't work out for a reason. A person's first love won't necessarily be their greatest love. If your SO's relationship with their ex is truly over, you have nothing to fear. Because, guess what? You are the person who gets to share this moment with them! Let go, and savor what is right here, right now." When any of these insecure thoughts pop up in your head, Solomon says that the best thing to do is "redirect your attention to the present moment. A simple conversation might provide you with the reassurance you're looking for. Ask them how they feel about" the fact that they've been in love before you. If you still can't let it go, Solomon says that "it might also be helpful to talk with your partner about your self-consciousness. Comparing the two is like apples and oranges.Īlthough it's probably easier said than done, it's worth trying to let go of the fear that either of your dating histories or difference of experiences will have any negative connotations. Also, your relationship with bae is completely different than what they had with their ex.
#And im so in love with you how to#
This is your first time being in love - there's no rule book about how to feel, and no one expects you to be an expert at it, so don't be too hard on yourself. Try to go easy on yourself and remember that your boo is choosing to be with you. As Solomon mentioned, your partner's history with the L word doesn't hold any deeper meaning than what you're giving it. "What is your self-consciousness saying?" When you evaluate the doubts running through your head, you might be able to look at the situation a bit more practically. "Instead of beating yourself up for feeling self-conscious," Solomon says to take a minute and think about what your inner monologue is really telling you. I have no idea how this experience will play out between us, but I trust us to find our way."Īre you making yourself feel a little insecure by dwelling over the situation? Feelings of doubt and insecurity are completely normal, especially toward the beginning of a relationship. Instead of creating a narrative in which their previous relationship means anything about your current love story, she suggests refocusing your thoughts to something like this: "I am not their first love, I am so excited to explore the beauty and challenge of a relationship with them. the story that your partner maps onto it," she says. "Pay attention to the story that you map onto that fact and.
If you can't get past the fact that you aren't your SO's first love, Solomon recommends taking a step back and thinking about why it makes you feel so anxious. If it bugs you, try to refocus your attention on how grateful you are to be in a loving relationship and how good it feels to be experiencing it for the first time.
But what should you do if it makes you feel self-conscious in the relationship? It is just a fact." So, while it's easy to catch yourself overthinking the fact that your partner was in love with someone previously, it won't necessarily have any real implications for your current situation. It is simply the truth of your relationship. I spoke with a relationship expert who helped me get a better understanding about what it means if you're not your partner's first love, but they are yours.Īccording to Alexandra Solomon, clinical assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at Northwestern University, staff therapist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, and author of Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want, "it means no more and no less than you want it to. You'll never forget your first love, and it's nice to be someone's else's first, but it's not everything. But what if your partner has been in love before? Does it mean anything about your relationship? It can make you feel powerful, motivated, and maybe even like you want to shout "Yaassss!" from the rooftops - especially when you're in love for the very first time. The moment you realize that you're in love can really be the best feeling ever.
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